Depression

At the Celebrate Recovery group I attended this last Friday, I shared about my "sobriety" over depression. I have a tremendous amount of compassion with beings who struggle with this. It is debilitating, frightening, and can be relentless. Most people who have not struggled with depression tend to think you just need to have and express feelings of happiness to be better. But actually in my experience, it is the opposite, repressing feelings of anger are most often the source of depression.

Outsiders can feel frustrated and confused about reaching out to those who struggle with this disability. (What can be done by them is another post.)

I see depression as a brutal form of internalizing hatred. That is why it can often lead to suicide.

Depression is often a "side effect" of recovering from addiction. In other words, leaving the "high" of whatever your drug of choice is; (yes workahol, controlling obsessive compulsive behavior, even church activities can be on the list of "drugs".) leaves you in the "low" of reality. It takes some time to learn to do real life, and experience both it's pleasures and pains. This is why addicts often simply switch addictions, rather then experiencing depression. And it is why I always say the only way through depression, is through depression. there are no short cuts.

Medication is sometimes seen as a cure, when all it can really provide is some relief from the painful symptoms. Often times it can create dependency issues, and therefore I believe should be used cautiously and sparingly. But it should be used if it is needed to keep you functional and alive.

I have found that using these 7 steps can help to break out of the depression cycle:

1) Take care of your self.

Self care is a pillar of recovery. Codependents spend too much energy on everyone else's needs and make this a way of life. Going without food, sleep, exercise, hobbies, challenging activities, is not a sacrificial form of living. It is a way of killing your individuality and yourself. Instead of "being" and experiencing life, codependants become "human doings" and often the cycle of rescuing and helping everyone else leaves them discouraged, isolated, and depressed.



2) Do something.

While "over doing" can lead to dysfunction, stagnating, "holing up" and doing nothing is the polar opposite. Trying new things, learning, and being involved can rekindle your passions and excitement about the gift of life, but you must take the first step. Sometimes I thought "hey I am too dysfunctional to do anything, I will only fail and feel further regret and resentment" but that was only a trap. True, you may fail, but failures always have lessons. Give yourself the freedom to perform poorly, or get mediocre results, that is part of real life. Who knows maybe your activity may have wonderful unexpected results?



3) Become aware of your "self talk" and and challenge the distortions.

I encourage you to document negative attitudes, thoughts, and feelings about yourself. Often they are so subtle and quick, it may take a month to become fully aware of the terrible things you say to yourself. Most depressed people would never say or entertain thoughts of such awful proportion towards others, but regularly do about themselves. I believe documenting "micro-lies" and than re-writing your "internal script" is the number one source of freedom from depression. King David's book of Psalms in the old testament is an example of this process. There is a lot of literature available on this, learning how to identify and replace negative self scripts is a must do in your program.



4) Limit the depressive symptoms.

Feel your feelings be aware of what is hurting you, but do not allow yourself to slide into a pit or "over focus" and obsess on the negative.



5) Refocus.

Surrender your life, your relationships, your money, your possessions, your job- is a great place to start. Often times failure to "let go" is a source of years of obsession. Feelings of loss through divorce, death, or crisis can make us feel we cannot afford to lose anything else, but like the proverbial monkey with the grape, we cannot find new nurture until we let go of that which is trapping us.



6) Socialize, being around others gives us hope strength and energy.

Or read this as "stop trying to overcome this by yourself". Next to negative self talk, isolating is the number 2 largest offender in this process. Often times painful relationships were the source of so much of my pain and loss, I would isolate to avoid further potential problems. But what I have learned is to evaluate my relationships; on a scale of 1 to 5 this relationship is:


1.Toxic?


2. Partially toxic?


3. Neither toxic or nurturing?


4. Provides some nurture?


5. Nurturing?


Give yourself permission to stay out of relationships with 1s and 2s until you are healthy. This may be hard to do with close family or friends, But trust me, making a boundary, may save your life if you are involved with other people who are mentally ill.



7) Sing, read psalms, pray seek the living God. (If you have faith-but maybe if you don't you should try it?) Just because you have faith doesn't mean you are growing spiritually. In fact sometimes people involved with church put spiritual practices dead last on the list. Explore, discover, and nurture your spiritual being, and you might be surprised how it effects your thinking and mental health.