FELIZ NAVI-BLOG

I want to wish you a Merry Christmas or as my 4 year old son says "Erry Mismas". Holidays are full of pain for most. Shopping for my kids reminded me of how much I would like to give them. But being with them reminded me of how much I had. The magic and wonder of the Jesus story and as the pope said"God came like a helpless child, demonstrating His awsome power and love." is still very true to me 30+ plus years later. How about you?

"Hooked" | 60's retro comic about addiction

Lost Enough?

This Washington Post story on "Post-traumatic growth" is worth reading through to the end. Sometimes my losses pale in comparison to others. They are losses none the less. I grieve them. I accept them. I move on.

via TPB

Mountains Farther

Mountains Farther,
originally uploaded by x.

Today we went towards Lowman to cut a tree for our living room. My Son and I arose early and motored off, thermos of coffee in hand. After finding the perfect spot and the perfect tree we felled it and began our journey up the mountain side. It reminded me of the step by step walk of recovery. We would get about 2 feet when the snow would break through the frost line and drop us 3 foot down. The dark side of the mountain was cold and the thin air left us gasping. We pondered our direction up the mountain, stopping to rest but not giving up. Gradually the focus went from getting the tree to our vehicle, to getting to the summit, soon I began just focusing on getting the next ten feet up the steep snow covered fall line. As we approached the summit our pace quickened encouraged by the the scent of victory. How do you know true victory? Because you have been on the dark side of the mountain mucking around in deep snowy holes that scrape your shins and fill your pants with cold snow crystals while dragging your burden. The journey down was a cake walk, aided by the slipping sun melted snow and gravity. How did we know completion of our journey? By the victory behind, and the battle it took to achieve it.

Journal Excerpt

I thought occasionally I would add some excerpts from my journals in the case any of you could relate or be stirred.


Novemeber 05'
(A breakthrough moment that some hardship in my life had brought me to at about 1:00am in Shari's while eating coffee and pumpkin pie alone.)

"Abondonment and betrayal are painful triggers because my mother abondoned and betrayed my father~ in a truly awful way; Abducting me as a child and leaving my father in dark for 20 years. I had forgiven her for much of the other things that she had done to me throughout my life in this 2nd journey starting this past year. However I had omitted this hurt, strangely. Maybe it was pain by proxy. I had pondered if my father would be the man he is today with the addiction and wounds had she not caused so much pain.
I guess you can never answer a question like that, more importantly, you cannot blame addiction on others- it is a personal choice. Sure sometimes it is almost made for us, but even then it is an act of will, even if we only own a smaller piece of it. "

Smear on nicotene?

This link takes you to a gel for kicking the cigarette habit. Might work if you hate gum and don't like a patch.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

Living day to day is one of the best parts of recovery based living. Recovering from what? Life's hurts, hang-ups and habits.