Talk, Trust, Feel...

In repressive societies, dictators, and their governments attempt to control information. They use the common covert tools of the manipulator: FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt.) as well as overt tactics. Iran’s current blocking of cell phone texting and social media during the election is one example.

Unfortunately, well meaning church environments can stumble down this same aggressive path. Usually a couple well meaning, but codependent leaders will lead this in the name of “security”.

I have seen churches employ:

- video cameras in bathrooms
- hidden taperecorders at meetings
- private meetings
- threats, violence, unjust firing, gossip campaigns.
- banning of books, movies, music, audio, and people with different thoughts.

While these are extreme examples, it can be shocking (even for those involved) how far the attempt to control can take church leadership.

Generally though the more common control methods are interpersonal, and dolled out through subtle, indirect signals and long term undefined “policies”.

In these environments it is common for people to:

Be afraid to talk, write, or express their real thoughts.
Pretend like there is trust, but secretly trust no one, and therefore become increasingly isolated.
Be afraid to to reveal expressions of feelings, like anger, indignation, or sadness.

This is why recovery principles are so important for healthy ministries. And recovery is not just for "the addicts".

“We are powerless over others” doesn’t seem like the banner over church board meetings, but it should be. And in healthy environments it is.

“You cannot control people and things” is extremely difficult for controller/manipulators to accept. Entire people groups dedicate unlimited resources to these quests.

Generally these are deep core issues, reaching back to childhood and family dysfunctions, that are then replicated and played out in the church family. So they don’t get resolved overnight, they take prayer, gentle and direct confrontation, and love.