The Baseball

The Baseball

The talented local filmmaker Brandon Freeman created this stirring short. It is a 10 minute reminder about life, consequences, and choices. (It also stars acquaintance Colin Mansfield.)

quotes:

“It is not so much our friends help that helps us, as the confidence of their help.”

— Epicurus

Plankeye from the Brick Testament. An all Lego Bible.

The emotion cone, an interesting visualization. I think often times I miss the subtleties of emotions and go for the basic, mad, happy, sad labels. So this is a welcomed reminder of some of the other shades of feeling that exist.

via hellomynameisleah

Changing How You Feel

American culture is one of repression (among others). And the Church is sometimes even worse. Most my life I have practiced not expressing my feelings openly. Crying, anger, laughter, excitement even sarcasm are often 'hushed' as children, by parents and authorities. I have even heard from the pulpit that anger is a sin. In turn, it seems now that I am older when I do let these emotions out, I feel overwhelmed, and others are confused, or react to what they see as an 'overreaction' on my part. They just don't know all the feelings going into that one situation. So again it is easier to keep those things to myself, ignore, stifle, or 'repress' those emotions. However as the illustration above depicts: just because I 'feel' powerless over my emotions doesn't mean I am.

There are those that theorize that all emotional illness is sourced in repressed or unexpressed feelings.

Knowing that I can choose to change, or 'shift' how I feel once an emotion is expressed or externalized, gives me more courage to openly respond in a healthy way.

Learning to respond as opposed to reacting, ignoring, or manipulating is new territory for me. Today I feel hurt, scared, and sad. In saying that I immediately want to explain why. However, rationalizing my feelings puts me in my 'head' and becomes another way to avoid pain. And 'plugs' or stops me from 'shifting' to a new emotion if I choose. It also seems that in labeling the source of those feelings, I can take current circumstance or situations and force them as headings over those emotions. Often when looking deeper they were related to other unrelated or distantly related circumstances or situations. But I can only look deeper if I 1) Take the time, 2) Accept those feeling 'as is', no question asked 3) Refrain from passing judgment about their source.

I find that the book of Psalms written by King David to be a meditative discourse on those inward emotions and his process of 'shifting', and a template for positive 'self talk'. (note: 5 chapters a day out of 150 = Psalms read in one month. My Dr.Bronner moment)

Psalm 4 says:
"Be angry and do not sin, meditate on your bed and be still."

in Psalms 5:6 David speaks of evil doers as bloodthirsty men who speak lies, and then in verse 7:
"But as for me, I will come into your house in the multitude of your mercy; In fear of You I will worship toward your holy temple..." So see how he has realized his fear of those persecuting him and then acknowledged that he is no different then them, other then that he seeks God's mercy, and then 'shifts' his fear to the true threat which is God's judgment?

Quotes:

I’m not super religious or anything; I just like the look of angels.

— Master Chief from the Halo series

"X" Marks the Spot

I was at the reservoir after visiting my friends church, while I sat their praying I was listening on my iPod to Jeremy Riddle's song "Sweetly Broken". The mountain panorama and beautiful blue sky was marked only by two jet planes leaving plumes behind them.

At the precise moment the plumes crossed the song broke into this chorus:

"At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am
Lost for words, so lost in love,
I’m sweetly broken, wholly surrendered
"

I was struck by the notion that so many who are sarcastic of Christianity, or a Christian God, just want a sign, it isn't that we don't want to believe we just don't know where to look. But yet he made a sign, I giant "X" marked in the center of the world, in the center of history. You cannot miss it if you look.

The symbol of the cross means love. What is more God chose to identify himself through a living person who left us both his teachings, and his spirit.

Perhaps, you still cannot reconcile religion as anything more then man's feeble attempt to explain that which he cannot. An evolutionary disposition towards the supernatural. But perhaps this is what you need to hear today: God's giant dotted upside down teardrop on Earth's Google map is in Israel on hill called Golgotha. X marks the spot. Start there if you are searching. I did.

Quotes:

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone.”

—

Audrey Hepburn

Passive Behavior

The bible teaches "turn the other cheek" this is often misinterpreted as a spiritual edict on passive behavior. In fact in both the old and new testament there were consequences to the nation of Israel's and the Church's constant passive and tolerant behavior.

However, often aggressive behavior is seen as the alternative. Assertive behavior is the mandate for most religions. Especially the Christian faith.

What is the difference?

Assertive behavior always acts in mutual interest and from the emotion of love. Aggressive being selfish or I centered and from anger or hatred. Passive failing to acknowledge one's own needs and often from the emotion of Fear, Obligation, or Guilt. (FOG)

Often passive behavior is seen as a selfless act of kindness and therefore categorized and interpreted as spiritual, Christlike, and caring.

However, Christ was never passive. His death, may appear to be non-violent submission to aggression, but remember He clearly stated "No one takes my life, I lay it down willingly" (John 10:18) in other words he was acting not being acted upon. In my reading of Jesus, it seems that everyone was always mad at him because he wasn't doing what he was told or telling others what to do. Beware when all men speak well of you!

The appropriate relational model is where everyones needs are equal. Consequently, every relationship where one has needs superior to anothers is unhealthy and should be avoided. Marriages are prime for this, as often passive persons seem to seek out aggressive persons and vice versa. Conflicts often center around physical and emotional needs. Parents will vacillate between self neglect and over focus on a child's needs, and self focus with neglect to children's needs.

Passive behavior is also prevalent in the codependent. Whereby all relationships are handled in a measurable way known to Behavioral Science as the Karpman Drama Triangle.

Shrink' Stephen Karpman observed that the most prominent pattern of behavior was for the codependent to rescue, then persecute and ultimately become the victim who in turn looks for someone else to rescue.

Can you see how selfless giving, righteous indignation, and martyrdom can be the perfect landing place for the passive person? How I can misinterpret the Bible to meet my own unhealthy patterns?

The passive person seems to only be aware of others needs. While the aggressive only aware of their own. Empathy seems to be the key component for healing on both sides. For the passive, empathizing with themselves and there own wants and needs, and for the aggressive empathizing with others.

Jesus did not teach to give away your only coat, he said if you have two offer the other. He also said to lend and not expect back. I often don't expect direct repayment, but if I don't get the thanks I deserve-look out! A good friend once told me that "we give from our abundance not from our lack"- that advice has changed me.

What pattern can you identify in yourself? Is there someone you are failing to empathize with, is that someone you?

The Flesh is Willing but the Spirit Is Week?

If you are not saying wait a minute, you might re-read this passage from the ancients:

"The Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak."

That is to say there is a lush green garden of life on the otherside of the dead desert of carnality, mediocrity, and materialism.

Often times my fears, pain, stress, and mostly shame smite me and keeps me looking downward, fearful of the light, I starve my spirit and only become more destitute, distraught, and alone.

Don't think that is just me or the "wayward". Sometimes the very centers of holy humanity can be guilty of godlessness and spiritual emptiness. I know because I have been there. Pastors, Leaders, and Ministry teams can be the blackest little holes of self loathing and deadness of anyone.

True spirituality is not measured in the size of the steeple.

God in deep passion for any us, finds novel, off the beaten path ways to reach us, to cut through the fog of disbelief, discouragement, and running. Yeah, you know what I mean. Sometimes I am on a dead run. Afraid to confront my fears, and terrified of what might happen if I do.

Sometimes I tread on the rice paper of tradition and ritual. Softly lest I leave a mark, I get in and get out, knowing that it only makes that inward hole deeper, blacker and more painful, but it can be a great placebo.

It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the Living God.

My wife shared with me the weight of her latest revelation: The Creator of the universe asks you to sign a blank contract with Him. No guarantees, no stipulations, no scoping or clauses. Just opt in for a life long question mark. (editor's note: Some might say the Bible is that contract, that plan, that handbook, and manual. I would propose that it just doesn't have all the answers. In fact, I think it it has more questions. It is more like the soundtrack, or similar reading, then a list of do and don'ts. It seems to be designed to bring us into relationship with a living creator, as opposed to an instructional precedent setting magna carta that defines the terms of our contract.)

Oooh, that can be rough.

He will be with you, love you passionately, and carry you when you cannot stand, but NO known plan, guidelines, itinerary, or general overview will be handed to you. Blank contract.

I was sharing with my children that Christianity is one of the few religions that has no barrier to entry. There are no requirements. Yes some try to add there own, what day you worship on, even church attendance at all for that matter, but ultimately, Jesus Christ (I tend to regard what he says since I believe him to he be leader of this faith.) said simply "believe".

That is just it; that seems too simple. It is unsavory for our sense of justice, we should have to work for it, burn, feel the heartache...bear the marks...carry the cross, feel the piercing to truly be like Christ. But that ain't happening. It would be blasphemy to think we could be the sacrifice for even our own sin. Even a little. Tiny winy smidgen. Even.

All you have to do is; sitting in your hummer watching your stocks rise, or kicked back in your trailer with a tallboy, is see the need for completion, and raise your hand and say "That Jesus..I do." Raise your soft pudgy hand or calloused palm and say with sincerity"Me." "I'll take it.", "I do."

That's it. Your in.

Scandalous isn't it.

CIA: A Concept on Relational Boundaries

For the person who struggles with co-dependent or passive behavior, knowing what to do when someone violates your boundaries by overt or covert manipulation can be baffling.

In my experience, not being able to maintain the integrity of your boundaries is one of the top relation issues that impedes enjoying others which leads to isolation and loss.

I have come up with and been practicing an action plan for when people assert their needs in a way that oversteps my boundaries:

I have broken it down to an easy to remember three letter acronym: CIA.

Confront
Ignore
Act

Sometimes one of these is needed, sometimes all three, rinse and repeat, as often as needed.

Also note:

It has been said in the recovery community that we do not confront enough and when we do it is not done right. It is critical to understand that confrontation should be gentle, mutual, and without expectation.

Ignoring can be a passive behavior, it is very important to maintaining self assertion that ignoring is a conscious choice, and that the consequences are calculated.

Appropriate actions always include consideration of mutual interests and can be misinterpreted as aggressive or selfish.

In my experience having a this basic tool at my disposal gives me the confidence needed to look forward to interacting with others. Boy that sounds pristine and a tad boring. Apply CIA with GUSTO! Better?

Quote + Thoughts

The essential difference between emotion and reason is that emotion leads to action, while reason leads to conclusions.

— Donald Calne, noted neurologist

I have been pondering the misunderstanding that the mind is like a computer. Studies show our mind is an emotional tool. Processing information is secondary. This is where many in the recovery process get tripped up: they stay in their head. They forget to feel, and be in the moment. Ideation, fantasy, obsessive thinking, worry are the bars of mental prison.

This is why "enjoying one moment at a time" is so important.